The ineptitude of decrepitude

In spite of 2 surgeries in 2 years, I've always felt reasonably well and wondered what it really means when people say they feel old. I got a glimpse these past few days from sore upper leg muscles resulting from going up and down the ladder to paint the kitchen. And, of course, I had to do 2 coats of the lighter brighter Musical Mist color for good coverage which meant double work. Then, my new stove was delivered minus one important connecting pieee. My legendary mechanical ineptitude kicked in and it took 3 trips to Home Depot to find out the manufacturer's installation directions were wrong and the piece I needed was actually something different from what was printed. I make it a ritualistic exercise to walk to Home Depot when I am picking up something I can carry easily and a little brass connector surely doesn't qualify for firing up the car. Interesting how a little bit of knowledge makes things so much simpler. Once I had the right piece, I connected the stove and turned on the fire and all was well. I cooked dinner on it just to assure that it would work properly. But, oh, the unrelenting presence of sore leg muscles slows down the progress of putting the kitchen back together. I have 2 more days. Now, I am a firm believer: getting old is surely not for the weak.

Fiendish Fingernails

When I was a teenager and went downtown to Peabody for music theory classes on Saturdays, I used to sometimes go into an old music store. There was a clerk in that music store who was some sort of exotic foreign person who spoke with an accent and had some enormously long fingernails that were polished with white pearlescent fingernail polish. Of course, this was one of the strangest sights I had ever seen and I always wondered why a man or anyone would have fingernails that long and how that person could possibly function in daily life. I remember buying something one time and he gave me my change, and when he placed the coins in my hand, he let them slide down his fingernails and into my palm. His fingernails touched my palm and it was a shocking sensation that I will never forget. So this morning, 40 years later, I run in to Home Depot to pick up something - you know, holiday week-end - get those chores and projects done! - and I went to a check-out counter with a live person because she was standing there with nothing to do and she was closer ot the door than the self check-out where I go most of the time. Well, low and behold, she had these enormous fingernails, longer than her fingers and curved toward her hand, painted in a burgundy color. Again, I was shocked, thinking her nails had a particular ghoulish appearance. Then I realized she was going to give me coins for change and I had a horrible sinking feeling about how she was going to place coins in my hand. Thankfully, she turned her hand sideways and let the coins slide into my hand and I was out of there and away from her in a flash. I knew there was a good reason to go to the self check-out counter! So much for saving a few steps when someone is not busy!

Musical Mist

Chaos reigns! The contents of my kitchen are reshuffled throughout the house. What happens when the room is empty. Well, of course, it shows that you really ought to paint the walls before you return the kitchen to its functional resettlement. Ah, and didn't the allergist say to wash or re-paint the walls due to the discovery of your cat allergy. And, true to form, another holiday week-end approaches. Don't holiday week-ends mean home improvement projects? OK. I give in. I'll paint the kitchen. Enter color choice phobia. Rekindle memories of Grandma's wonderful sense of color. What can be more perfect than my pink kitchen that doesn't scream pink? But my pink now looks dingey. The brilliance of the current color choice is that it is subtle. But does the new floor color demand something lighter to contrast the darker hues of the tile? Might it be wise to saturate the color just a bit more? Since the tile is very earthen in its tones, should I go in that color direction and maybe think more peach than pink to complement the rust of the floor tile? I have no leftover paint to take to Home Depot to try to match the current wall color. So I must look at the hundreds of colors on the paint display wall and try to figure what is going to look good in my house. As I review the Behr swatches it is obvious where my brain is telling me to go. I hover in one verticle row of colors. The lighter shades are the right tones. I check the Ralph Lauren whites and there are several good choices. (I always love Ralph Lauren colors - just not the price of the paint) However, none seem bright enough, but they do underscore my Behr choices/leanings. So bring home the color samples and see which ones seem to do it. I don't like trying to guess what a room is going to look like from a color card. Well, silly man, the answer is just given in the color name. There is no other choice. It must be Musical Mist whose dark counterpart is called Arizona Sunrise. And when the paint mixer puts in those little tinting blobs, what does he add? Brick red, yellow umbre & charcoal gray. Aren't those exactly the shades in the floor tile? Maybe there is just enough of Grandma's gene active in me after all. I just wish it didn't feel so daunting when I have to make a color choice. Stay tuned when the kitchen is transformed into a Musical Mist to find out if my instincts are right.

Moving towards chaos

Unlike Dolly Levi, I've NOT always been a person who arranges things. And what have I come to when so much of my life is consumed with medical issues and home owning issues? So now, I must re-arrange the kitchen to install a new floor. The new floor will be wonderful, but the path there I don't want to live through. Rather like my prostatectomy: glad to live through it and be cancer free, but quite worrisome and difficult to get through. A new kitchen floor won't be especially difficult for me. It will just consume more time and energy than I want it to. Arranging things is never high on my list of enjoyable activities. When it is forced and the results are a disaster anyway, as will be the temporary arrangements I'll have to live through to install a new kitchen floor, the prospects cannot seem in any way pleasant. It is difficult to summon the determination to do what needs to be done. None the less, Chaos, here I come! at least for a while!! I think I am going to have to give up summer home improvement projects!!! But I'll bet the Great Mover might not necessarily acquiesce to my preferences. So, move and arrange, I must. How will I ever recharge among the chaos? Ignore it!!!

Adolescent Remiscences

Today was a 6 month (7 months in actuality) post-surgery check-up to make sure I am cancer free. Good news, yes my score is still 0 -where we want it - meaning 100% cancer free. Now, as Joan Rivers would say, "Can we talk?" This is adult material, so if you are offended, please do NOT read. My standard joke lately is that life is good, except - because of having to use Viagra as a part of the surgical recovery process - I have to make an appointment to have sex with myself. OK - LOLOLOL - And remember I have printed doctor's orders to attempt sexual stimulation three times per week. So the doctor today HAD to ask how I was doing with the Viagra and self-stimulation. I reported that all is well, except that having to make an appointment to have sex with myself was certainly in no way spontaneous and surely not something I want to think about at my age - having abandoned the necessity of planning when to self-stimulate by my late adolescent years - most of the time following those natural hormonal urges. The stories that tell us life is a circle are certainly verified in this instance. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be a man approaching my sixth decade and having to think about when I should have sex with myself. BUT, the doctor reminds me today of an inconvenient reality. Today, for many men would have been the FIRST time the doctor was prescribing Viagra to START the recovery process for regaining sexual function, and that recovery is not even guaranteed (pre-surgery). So for the past 5 months I have been "smarter than the average bear". Ain't-a that good news???? I hope all my family and friends have stock in Pfizer in their portfolios!! - especially as Hopkins and others keep improving their success rates!

The Cost of Ignorance

Today it was $160 - not an exhorbitant sum, but given the trials of homeownership that I've enjoyed lately, not a welcome expense.
So I was awakened on Monday night realizing the air conditioning had quit. Quick study revealed the thermostat had gone on the fritz. 7 a.m. on Tuesday I am in Home Depot buying a new thermostat. Returning from Home Depot, I replace thermostat and air conditioning still does not work. Time to call BGE Home for service - I should have let them replace the thermostat - it is included in service contract coverage. SO when I replaced the thermostat, there were three wires - green, yellow and red - and numerous slots for connections of said wires with letters beside them - and it appeared to me that the letters corresponded to the wire color. But appearances are deceiving. It seems that my green wire was actually white and in the old thermostat the technician had installed a pin between the green and white connections that I didn't see. SO, when I connected green to green in the new thermostat, I made an error because green was actually white. Now with green connected to white, the air conditioning works, but alas, I am poorer due to ignorance. But rejoice, I am no longer melting!

I'm melting

Ah, I can hardly believe that it was 6 years ago when I replaced the oil furnace with a new gas furnace and installed central air while I was at it. And being a bit of a tree hugger, I installed a new programmable thermostat to help keep the utility bills in check.
SO, Monday night I am sound asleep and awaken at 1:30 in the morning feeling warm and clammy. I realize the air conditioning is not running. This is a bit unusual, and I think perhaps it is just in a rest mode and will start running again soon. I wait and nothing happens and it seems the room is getting warmer. So I go to check the thermostat and it is blank, registering nothing. I start pushing buttons, then go to every electrical switch connected to the heating & air conditioning looking for something that is not working. With no luck, I wait until 7 a.m. and go to Home Depot to get a new thermostat. Easy installation, but still no air conditioning. This means a service call. I have service with BGE Home. They are going to call at 7:30 a.m. to schedule an appointment for some time during the day between 7:30 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. THis is what a service contract buys - a telephone call on the morning of the service to let you know a range of time for when they expect to provide the servie you have paid for all along. Another John Stossel - give me a break.
Fortunately, I have ceiling fans in the two bedrooms and the kitchen. I read years ago that they help regulate the temperature and reduce utlity bills for heating and cooling. I remember to switch the air flow directions by doing it on the first day of srping for summer and the first day of fall for winter. Still, it is not easy to be without air conditioning when you are accustomed to it. I'm melting. Yes, believe it or not, I've shed a couple of pounds these few days - all water weight (sweat), I'm sure. It sure would be nice not to regain them! Come quickly to mine aid, O great BGE technician!

Movin' on... in which direction?

So the allergist says to strip the house, clean everything, then put the house back together. A daunting task indeed! And naturally, my lazy self has just been ablaze with determination. NOT!The recommendation is to begin with the bedroom... and I've wanted to get rid of the bedroom rug anyway...BUT...Then the plumber comes and camps out for a day and a half. Now, THERE is a reason to strip the bathroom and put it back together. One room down. Are we counting yet? I've been wanting a new floor in my kitchen, aand that cheap linoleum keeps getting dingier and dingier looking and showing more and more worn spots where the black underlayer shows through. So why not peruse the tile store? I've always wanted a brick kitchen floor, but when I see it in the tile store, I don't like it. Of course, I like the most expensive tile in the store, but there is an inventory clearance sale and Jack can get a contractor discount. I bring home two tiles for a look-see. and the one I thought was perfect is the same color as my hardwood floors and my kitchen cabinets. I love it, but it is too much like the other things in my house, (who me stuck in a rut?) and I need contrast or my small house will definitely close in. I'm not sure I can live with the other choice. It has more color - more different colors - including the red earth of the brick that was my original inspiration. Both tiles look different according to where I put them in the kitchen. Oddly, when I walked into the tile store, I spied option B immediately and went in the other direction - suspecting that - true to my instincts - it might be the most expensive tile in the store. Call in the re-inforcements: my sister, Chris. We return to the tile store. Chris likes option B. The order is placed. Now I have to move the kitchen so Jack can replace the floor. This displacement will make the pantry closet look like a walk in the park. Yes, it was summer of 2007 when my house was in disaster mode due to the great pantry adventure. And while I'm moving and clearing, should I re-paint the walls? OH, and I've always wanted that braided rug under the kitchen table. Should I order that now. And shouldn't I replace the stove while I'm at it? The bedroom curtains will need to be changed around the first day of fall. Perhaps that is when I will do the bedroom. But after the bathroom adventure, it looks like the kitchen will get the next makeover - in my copious free time, of course. Stay tuned!